Although all ofAbbott Elementary’s supporting characters are funny, a look back on Mr. Johnson’s best quotes prove just how much the school’s custodian steals the show.Abbott Elementary’s entire cast of charactersis hilarious. Whether it is Jacob leaping from desk to desk and killing a fad in the process or Barbara constantly mistaking black celebrities for white ones, some ofAbbott Elementary’s funniest momentscome from its supporting stars. However, there is one figure that everyone can agree is the show’s breakout character, even among a cast crowded with iconic characters like Melissa and Principal Ava.
Abbott Elementary Season 4 Handled Its Big Janine/ Gregory Twist Perfectly
Abbott Elementary season 4 episode 1 deftly avoided an overused trope when the hit sitcom revealed the nature of Janine and Gregory’s relationship.
William Stanford Davis’s Mr. Johnson slowly became the show’s funniest character as the series offered viewers more glimpses into the mercurial janitor’s bizarre internal world. Whether he is teaching the children elaborate conspiracy theories while substituting or warning Jacob about a ghostly custodian who haunts the school’s hallowed halls, Mr. Johnson is an utterly unpredictable comedic goldmine. Viewers might want to know what happens with the show’s romances or see whether Janine gets the latest round of funding she has applied for, but a pivotal part ofAbbott Elementary’s appeal will always come from working out what its janitor will do next.
10“I’m gonna make this basketball disappear—Ta-da!”
Mr. Johnson’s Basketball “Trick” Delighted Students And Viewers
In season 1, episode 9, “Step Class,” Janine foolishly relies on Ava to help her run a step class for the students. Janine is hurt when the kids embrace Ava’s looser, more fun style over her stiff, prescriptive teaching, but she really struggles when Ava fails to show up on the day of the class’s big performance. It turns out that Ava is caring for her elderly grandmother, whose severe dementia has left Ava as one of the few family members she recognizes. This is a poignant, unexpectedly sad storyline, and one that needs big laughs to break the tension.
Chris Perfetti
Jacob Hill
Fortunately,Mr. Johnson delivers when Janine asks him to distract the kids during the step class performance. In a hilarious non-sequitur, Mr. Johnson announces that he will make a basketball disappear before throwing it in the trash with a triumphant “Ta-da!” Davis’s delivery makes this line hilarious, but it is the reaction from the crowd that makes the scene iconic. It would be classic, predictable cringe comedy if the faculty and kids simply stared in silence, but the crowd instead goes wild. It is early proof that this is Mr. Johnson’s world and everyone else is just living in it.
9“I don’t believe in the moon.”
The Custodian’s Conspiracy Theories Were Particularly Wild
In season 2, episode 8, “Egg Drop,” a staffroom conversation about the topic of science gets badly derailed when the teachers begin sharing their personal pet theories that fly in the face of scientific fact. Jacob’s claim that “Gluten intolerance is just internalized white guilt” is hilarious, but it is Mr. Johnson who takes the cake in this conversation. After Melissa admits that she thinks the moon landing may not be real,the custodian ups the ante by blithely claiming the moon itself doesn’t exist. The line is never revisited, which only makes the claim more absurdly funny.
8“You see a genius cleaning, I see a cleaning genius.”
Mr. Johnson’s Good Will Hunting Gag Was A Classic
In season 1, episode 6, “Gifted Program,” viewers get an early hint ofGregory and Janine’sAbbott Elementaryrelationshipwhen the pair spar over a new gifted and talented program. Debates ensue over whether such programs leave behind some children or merely offer much-needed opportunities for others, but it is Mr. Johnson’s “Gifted custodian program” that gives the episode its best line. The janitor explains that, where teachers see a genius cleaning,Mr. Johnson can spot a cleaning genius in what he dubs a “Reverse Good Will Hunting.”It is hard to argue with the program’s results.
7“I didn’t give permission for my likeness.”
The Janitor’s Reaction To A Student’s Tribute Was Unexpected
It was already a great gag when one ofAbbott Elementary’s students dressed as Mr. Johnson for Halloween, but what made this scene such a success was the janitor’s curt response. Far from flattering or patronizing, the custodian warned the child to lawyer up after informing him that he wasn’t licensed to use his likeness. Ironically, Mr. Johnson himself went on to provide another classic laugh in the Halloween special when he stuck a piece of gum to his forehead and said he was dressed as the iconic rapper Lil Uzi Vert, referencing the star’s infamous forehead diamond.
6“Well, looks like Ava switched this day from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to The Breakfast Club.”
Mr. Johnson’s Love of John Hughes Movies Shown Through Here
Most of season 1, episode 13, “Zoo Balloon,” centers on the school’s dramatic trip to the zoo. However,Mr. Johnson’s subplot reliably steals the show as he is left in charge of a few kidswho didn’t join their classmates on the school trip. After initially informing the camera crew that field trips are “Mr. Johnson’s Day Off, which is where I watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” the janitor has his plans scuppered when Ava leaves the kids in his care. Mixing up his John Hughes ‘80s teen classics, Mr. Johnson notes that “Life moves pretty fast,” before Ava cuts the iconic quote short.
Surrounded by well-behaved professionals like Janine and Jacob, Mr. Johnson’s laidback anti-work ethos will always be a comical contrast.
5“The emergency is, I don’t feel like it right now.”
Mr. Johnson’s Refusal To Do His Job Will Never Not Be Funny
In season 2, episode 9, “Sick Day,” Ava is pressed to replace Janine and struggles to come up with a replacement at short notice. Eventually, she tries to enroll Mr. Johnson again, but the janitor is busy. It didn’t help that Ava was trading barbs with Mr. Johnson shortly before asking a favor from him, so it is not a huge shock when Mr. Johnson informs the camera crew that the “Janitorial emergency” he is attending to is the fact that he doesn’t feel like working. Among well-behaved professionals like Janine and Jacob, Mr. Johnson’s laidback anti-work ethos will always be a comical contrast.
4“I’m a pacifist. You mess with me, I’mma pass a fist across your face.”
Mr. Johnson’s Iconic Pun Is Eminently Quotable
In season 2, episode 12, “Fight,” Janine struggles to keep two of her students from each other’s throats when a fight breaks out. WhileLisa Ann Walter’sAbbott Elementaryheroine Melissais predictably pro-fisticuffs as a way for children to work out their differences, Mr. Johnson surprises his coworkers by announcing his unexpectedly peaceful personal philosophy. Then he hits them with a classic pun that is somehow only funnier despite how famous the gag was long before it appeared inAbbot Elementary. With a familiar line like this, it takes Davis’s perfectly timed delivery to elevate the joke into something special.
3“A dream can be a distraction just as easily as it can be a goal.”
Mr. Johnson Provided Shockingly Astute Life Advice To Gregory
In season 1, episode 11, “Desking,” Abbott’s teachers struggle to stop their students from partaking in the dangerous new trend of “Desking.” Desking involves leaping from one desk to another, risking serious injury for the sake of making a viral video. Mr. Johnson was, of course, the first to find out about this trend and feared the day it would arrive in Abbott. When it does, he and Gregory stake out Janine’s classroom to find the culprit, and Gregory is shocked to learn that Mr. Johnson once worked as a private investigator. This isn’t the end of the day’s revelations.
In the ensuing conversation, Mr. Johnson notes that he was also a pipe fitter and a “Tasteful nude model” among other professions. When Gregory questions his inconsistent career path,Mr. Johnson explains that dreams aren’t always the guaranteed good they are seen as. The shockingly wise janitor points out that a dream can become an obsession that pulls someone away from their true calling. Gregory wonders whether he really wants to be a principal and, indirectly, Mr. Johnson helps one ofAbbott Elementary’s best couplesto realize that their perfect partner has been under their nose all along.
2"It’s trash.”
The Custodian’s Recurring Comment To Jacob Was his Signature Line
In season 1, episode 3, “Wishlist,” Jacob’s best-lain plans to turn a broken printer into a planter fall apart much to Mr. Johnson’s chagrin. The idealistic but naive young teacher can’t accept that his planter plan is doomed, while Mr. Johnson’s advice to give up his attempts was ignored.It is only in the episode’s ending that Mr. Johnson finally convinces Jacob the broken printer is trash, setting up a catchphrase that has a hilarious comeback in the season finale. In that outing, Mr. Johnson dismissing the children’s letter before throwing it into the trash can became a pitch-perfectBreakfast Clubspoof.
1“To me, regrets have always been harder to live with than consequences.”
Mr. Johnson’s Advice To Janine Was Genuinely Moving
Mr. Johnson’s advice to Gregory was surprisingly wise, but it is his conversation with Janine in the season 3 finale, “Party,” that cemented his status as the secret sage of the school. After he helps Janine salvage her party by fixing her apartment’s power, Mr. Johnson enters into a cryptic conversation with her as Janine alludes to some unspoken fear that troubles her. Without explicitly mentioning her attraction to Gregory, she says she wants to pursue something that could cost her her job and asks Mr. Johnson what he would do in her shoes. The reliable supporting star offers thoughtful advice.
New episodes ofAbbott Elementaryair on ABC Wednesdays at 9:30pm.
Mr. Johnson’s claims that he has always found regrets tougher to stomach than consequences explain just how the unassuming custodian has lived such an extraordinary life. For all of his goofy punchlines,Abbott Elementary’s resident philosopher has truly great life advice to dole out for those who need it. At first, Janine doesn’t end up taking a big risk but, luckily, both she and Gregory do take Mr. Johnson’s advice later in the night when they finally hook up. The scene is one of the show’s best moments, and it wouldn’t work without the intervention ofAbbott Elementary’s Mr. Johnson.
